Monday, August 31, 2015

Youuuuu light up my lifffffe

Not quite the lamp from 
the Christmas Story movie,,
but sexy as hell


Sunday, August 30, 2015

Someone sure is happy today!

Handprints of blood
from her murderous spree
dead bodies all around.
This skank skeers me. 

Etsy seller ChainsawEstates

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Okay, we were just kidding

There are no sharks in NC, Australia, or anywhere else.
Sorry for the earlier misinformation. 

No attribution for this photo is available. 
If it's yours, let me know and I'll credit you immediately. 

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Beach baby blues

Go to the beach, they said.
Find some driftwood, they said.
It'll be great fun, they said.
Now that the hell do I do?

Etsy seller MrRocketlegs

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

You could use an arm like that

Go to the Outer Banks, they said.
It'll be fun, they said.
No one mentioned that a shark 
would try to eat me.
Psst, hey buddy.
Nobody told me either.
Swim in NC, they said. 
Cheah. Right.

eBay UK seller orientaldiscount - Shark head
Etsy seller VintageTrixie - Wounded head

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

I'm feeling a little wonky today

I need my blankie.
I REALLY need my blankie.
I just can't adult one more day.
I sure could use a padded room.

A Ghoul's Best Friend

Monday, August 24, 2015

Not your average long stocking

Pippi seems to have been doing some major drugs.
This is the doll of which nightmares are made. 
Bad Pippi, bad. 

eBay seller skyemark

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Son of Satchmo

This little feller
has cheeks that would be amazing
for filling up with air
and blowing that trumpet!
But then, there never will be
another Satchmo.

Doll Head - eBay seller robil.us2013 

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Sweet or sour?

Yes I did.
No I didn't.
Yes you did.
No you didn't.
Yes you did!
No! You did!
Oh fuck it.

No attribution for this photo is available. 
If it's yours, let me know and I'll credit you immediately.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Charming little shit

Am I just the cutest, or what?
I'm here in the window
to hide the big ass bear
that's charging the house behind me.
I'mma open the window
and let it eat
that is alive in the house. 
I love my bear. 

No attribution for this photo is available. 
If it's yours, let me know and I'll credit you immediately. 

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Belly on up - It's Bad Poetry night at the bar

Time for a drink
Feeling blue and then pink
So I think I will shrink
To the ice skating rink.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

I'll have a banana split, please

Oh wait, it's me that it split, not the banana. 
I so wanted that ice creamy goodness. 


Monday, August 17, 2015

Why so sad, Red?

Not so much creepy
but weird.
She has a frickin skull on her head, dumbass!


Saturday, August 15, 2015

Back to the beach

Trendy magenta hair
Super hipster glasses
Big beautiful eyes
We hate her too.
That's why we buried her ass in the sand. 


Thursday, August 13, 2015

Oh my creepy doll dog!

I think this is the scariest
doll I've ever seen in my life.
You know that joyful look 
is a ruse.
She's gonna kill  you 
as soon as you turn  your back.
Her weave converts to
a deadly weapon. 


Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Sunday, August 9, 2015

On the other hand....

....this doll will do you right.
She just looks nuts. 
Those oogly googly eyes, though, 
will peer deep into your soul
and calm your savage beast.
Trust us.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

A little extra for August 8

This is very weird.

According to this story, there's a new trend - waving doll hands on your fingers.

Creepy, very creepy.  Click below for the story from LAist.

Creepy New Raver Trend: Waving Tiny Doll Hands

This girl looks sweet, but...

...she is going to mess you up.
Look at that mouth. 
You know she's biting down on the inside of her mouth.
This bitch is about to blow.
Know the warning signs.

No attribution for this photo is available. 
If it's yours, let me know and I'll credit you immediately. 

Thursday, August 6, 2015

You got some 'splainin to do

Even Lucy had a creepy doll
in the image of her son.
How weird is that?

Happy birthday, Lucille Ball
She would be 104 today,

Doll Reference

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Seen at the beach

Do these chicks not know
about skin cancer
and sun screen?
She obviously has the hair bleach
and gleaming eye shadow
and pink lips taken care of.
And where's this biotch's swim suit?
Back up, girl
Sun's gonna getcha.

Etsy seller 

Saturday, August 1, 2015


So, I said, "sure, I'll babysit."
From there, it went downhill.
The two little shits started to wrestle.
The third little shit kept cheering them on.
I found my bottle of Bailey's
and let them duke it out.